Parenting can put a strain on any relationship. However your relationship with your partner is the one that takes the hit. This is irrespective of how close you were before your child arrived. 

Naturally, you are more tired and have far less time to spend with each other. The family dynamics have changed and you are adapting to a new way of living. Life is not like it us to be, accepting that it will never be the same, can take its toll on your emotions.

Whilst both of you do your best to make space for your new addition, you desperately want to hold on to some of the comforts from the past. All parents go through this and it is completely natural!

Before your child

You both had bags of energy, you spent all your spare time together and enjoyed partying with friends until the early hours of the morning. You made spontaneous decisions about a weekend getaway and enjoyed romantic dates regularly.  Now all your focus is around your child and their needs and wants. 

Acceptance

First and foremost, it is important that you accept that life will be different here. There were a few moments which you once enjoyed which may not be as easy to enjoy anymore. However, that does not mean that it will always be this way! It is important to accept that this phase in your life is temporary and that you need to make the most of these precious moments with your child whilst you can. Once you have this awareness and are able to accept your new way of life, you will be able to reframe your situation and explore how to enjoy the parenting journey with a positive mindset. 

Connection 

You and your partner are soul mates! You feel like you were made for each other. However, no matter how close you are, you can not read each other’s mind!

I talk about this a lot in my posts but I honestly believe that “communication” is key! 

Talk to your partner and find out how he/she feels? What is on his/her mind? Ask your partner “what emotions are they experiencing’? You may be surprised with your discovery! Perhaps you both feel the same. Perhaps you both feel differently but you now have the ability to address those emotions because they are out in the open. 

Communication will connect you again. It won’t push you away, it will bring you closer if you allow it too. 

Language

When we haven’t slept, we do not think rationally. All it will take is one word for us to blow the whole situation out of context. If you are a woman and have just given birth, your hormones will be having a party. A party which you are not invited to so you are bound to be sensitive. It is therefore important that both of you are careful in “how” you approach each other. Your words and your body language will matter. 

Sometimes it is better to say nothing at all. A gentle hug or a kiss is powerful enough to bring you closer. That single hug or kiss is a confirmation from the other, that you are loved and cared for. Sometimes, that is all you need!

Space

Give yourself space. Work together and cover shifts. Allow your partner to have some alone time with your child. Whilst your partner is spending a few hours with your baby, take a nice long bath, go for a walk, read a book, watch something you enjoy or take a nap! When you feel like you have given yourself some space and self care, you will return more focused, rational and confident to continue with your day. This collaborative method of parenting will definitely win you brownie points!

Takeway

The bottom line is that if you can look after each other’s needs then it will not matter how many children you have. If you work together in partnership then this will automatically draw you closer. All you want is to feel like you are “worthy“, you feel worthy when you know that you are loved and cared for. If you can show each other how much you love and appreciate each other, you will always remain lovers!

Best of luck and enjoy the journey!